New Social Contract for coalition supporters

I've drawn up a new contract for supporters of the government's current austerity measures.

"Name...

I,............ support the government's austerity measures.

I understand to provide loud vocal support for their "reforms" to disability benefits, their disparaging comments about the disabled and unemployed, and the cuts in general.

I will believe whatever they say and will vote for them in every election, be it general, local or European.

In return:

As I believe jobs are so easy to find, I will be the first in the queue for voluntary redundancy.

As I believe jobs are so easy to find, I will not claim Jobseekers Allowance once unemployed as I will only be unemployed for a day or two.

As I do not believe that disabled people deserve help and support, I will give myself a stern talking to if I ever find myself disabled and will not claim disability benefits.

As I do not believe in trade unionism, I will never complain about my rights at work and will put in more hours for less

At all times, I will support the rights of businesses to do whatever they want and will work smarter, not harder.

I also understand I will be sent a free gift, which may be either a Michael Gove pencil sharper or a Baroness Warsi loudhailer.

Signed........................... Witnessed by ...........................

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